Compromise, not sacrifice in a marriage

"Marriage", a we usually say it’s a union of 2 soul mates or a combination of fevicol and a glue, who has its own specialty. Since Ages this ritual has been moving ahead like  a Toll free number. Here, a man and a woman has to play a lead role to convert our probable liberal and peaceful life to a list of dos' and don’ts on the rule book named "Marriage". Nowadays being married is like having a best friend who doesn't remember what you say.Marriage is a wonderful Institution, but who wants to stay in an Institution? We become scientists without actually owning a degree in science, performing hoards of experiments on how to develop relationships.

Marriage joins two individuals for life so that they can pursue dharma (duty) artha (possessions) karma (physical desires)and moksha (ultimate spiritual release) together. It is a union of two individuals as Husband and Wife which is recognized legally. Two families join together as well. There are eight types of marriages in the Hindu dharma.

                     

They are as follows:

• Brahma Marriage
• Daiva marriage
• Arsha Marriage
• Prajapatya Marriage
• Gandharvya Marriage
• Asura Marriage
• Rakshasa Marriage
• Paishacha Marriage

Historically, the vedic marriage was but one of the few different types of Hindu marriage Customs. Love marriage was also seen in historical Hindu literature and has been variously defined by many names, such as Gandharva vivaha. In one of the poor vaishnav communities there is still a custom called kanthi badal which is an exchange of bead -garlands as a very simplified form of ritual in solitude in front of an idol of krishna considered a form of acceptable love marriage.

Many people believe that an arranged marriage is the traditional form of marriage in India. Usually in urban areas Love marriages differ from arranged marriages. In that, the couple, rather than the parents, choose their own partner. Interestingly, love marriages that is still considered as a taboo even in the 21^st century, there are various instances from ancient scriptures of Hinduism, of romantic love marriages that were accepted in ancient times.

For example, Dushyanta and Shakuntala in the story of the Mahabharata. Somewhere in the course of time, arranged marriages became predominant and love marriages became unacceptable or at least frowned upon. Despite some love marriages, the vast majority of Hindus continue to have arranged marriages.

In many ways marriage is all about compromise which is defined as giving up one thing for another. It is very important to realize that there is a huge difference between Compromise and sacrifice.

In order for couples to have a long withstanding and durability of marriages they need to learn to Compromise and not to Sacrifice, which means giving up completely for the sake of their spouse. When two people get married, suddenly nearly every decision is made by the two heads instead of one and this doesn't necessarily mean that one person in the house holds opinion is more worthy than the others. For obvious reasons "The dining room cannot have two chandeliers". In other words, neither of you should sacrifice your "dreams" chandelier to make the other person happy. But instead, the two of them should set out to find a chandelier that is mutually pleasing and that works for both of them.

In a marriage nearly every decision and every problem is in need of compromise. It is virtually impossible for two people to agree on everything.

Relationship experts agree that sacrifice is not something that should be a standard part of marriage. If a man loves interacting with outsiders or loves to travel alone always needing a space in life or wants a break  in his work and his wife throws a fit every time and he continues enjoying the wants of his which is much more important ,arguments  arise. Relationship experts agree that sacrifice to make his wife happy then resentment will settle into the relationship. In other words each of us comes to a marriage with personal passions and ideals that make us happy. And we shouldn't be expected to conform completely to a spouses’ wish as an ultimatum to the relationship. Even more meaningful is the fact that partners should not want their spouse to completely concede and sacrifice their inner beliefs and passions for the other.

Sacrifice unlike compromise, can eventually lead to the great demise of the relationship. Be willing to make deals when it comes to compromise. You will go to your husbands work party only if he will take you on a date over the weekend. This makes the situating a win win negotiations for both of you, and neither of you will be forced to sacrifice something important. Making deals can be easy and a funny way to compromise with one another. So, go ahead make some happy deals to have a happy marriage and try not to kill each other :D